Mind Tricks

Confused by illusions delusions induce
While obtuse conclusions manifest the excuse
Truth is a lariat, my neck bears your noose
Though it’s loose I am blue and my breath is reduced
Bruised by emotions misguided, misused
Infused with the blood smeared across the accused
Seduced by the notion of being refused
Confused by illusions delusions induce

A Few Nights Away

What will I become if becoming undone
From one to none to over and gone
Old can not remain and there’s a shame in holding on
When swift in passing and moving along

This Shit Right Here

Is wondering about
Thinking within
Its been difficult to know which lies are lying

Is talking around
Meanings meant to be said
They get stuck in my head then they’re dead

I'm like, is this for real?
Trying to figure it out
Doubt I’ll get it, forget it, its not working out

Is this all it is
Makes me fucking sick
Shit like this makes me fucking sick

Too Late For This!!!!

I’m already bored with my diary. It’s way too late for me to be awake on a Thursday…Friday morning!! I just had a pretty interesting night. It was one of those nights that I’ve based stories off of that no one would ever believe was based on truth. I know a lot of people. I know every type of person that lives in this city. I seem to be drawn to anything with a story. Tonight’s story was…never mind!! Things that not everyone needs to be around. I’m not everyone.

My Addictions

Facebook
Attention
Knowledge
Cigarettes
Social activity
Escaping
Pushing myself - for better or worse
Suffering
Writing
Giving advice

Live!

I'm at a nail salon here in Bulls Head. They've just left me alone in this sweet message chair and I have no one to talk to! There are pretty Cichlids in a tank across from where I sit. They just exist. That's all they do...swim in a tank at a nail salon. It could be me in that tank. I wonder which one I'd be. The purple one looks a little like me. Anyway, the nail salon isn't really filled with action so I will end this unnecessary post with the following information: My toes will be a color called Mademoiselle and my fingers Damsel in a Dress. If I don't like them I will be Pissed Off I Wasted the Money!!

Another Way to Look at Things

It makes me sick. I don’t ever want fame.
To live, breath, and think it, and die the same
I laugh in the box, while you make me ill
Born the intentions means I own the kill
Silly is an intelligent, when proven otherwise
Silly is behind my face and seen in my disguise
Watching out while looking in
I’m tired of the spies and wonder
How I found my shame and blame myself for falling under

It's All A Lie

Last night I couldn't sleep. I jumped back and forth between writing in my journal and and writing on my lap top. No matter where I wrote, or what I attempted to write,I was consumed by one topic. Facebook.

I came to an understanding with myself last night that the image I created online, although based on a true story, has definitely taken a a bit of a fictional turn. I am not as I seem.

Online I am ultra social. I am everyone's friend. Everyone is my friend. The truth is, it's not true.

I've allowed my life to revolve around a virtual existence.

This experiment is leading me to question myself. My priorities. My goals. My secrets. My lies. My truth.

Today's truth is...I'm slightly lying to everyone.

What the F????

What is it with people who take half an hour at the convenience store playing the lottery when I'm standing behind them patiently waiting to pay for my apple juice? You aren't going to win, you are wasting your money, and I have to get back to work. Get the hell out of my way!!!!!

A True O.D.

If honesty is the best policy, is there a slightly less expensive plan someone could show me?? Sometimes, although seemingly with the best of intentions, the truths my mouth will mention cost an amount I cannot afford. Often I am too quick to reveal what’s really on my mind, creating somewhat of an awkward tension between myself and anyone subjected to my confessions. For better or worse, I purge veracities to any and all willing to listen. Whether encrypted or exposed in plain talk, I am as they say, an open book. It’s an addiction. A dirty, dirty addiction. What, if any at all, are the side effects of such a compulsion? Loss of appetite, insomnia, weight gain, solitude. Maybe it would be better if I kept the things on my mind where they belong, bound and chained to the walls of my imagination. As prisoners, my thoughts cannot alienate those around me. I could try to incarcerate my wills but, my mind is a crafty little bitch and I expect revolt against any attempts at conservation. So fuck it! Why bother? I'm just going to do whatever the hell I want anyway, so, break out another line of truth.

NOTE: I'm reading this now a few days later and I think it sux! I was going to edit it but, I'd rather keep it up as is to remind myself what not to do.

I Feel...

Lost within the illusion
Waiting to be found
Trying to remember once
Twice forgotten now
Sickness made by thoughts
Thinking plagued by doubt
Draining hope from willing want
While fools find their way out

Pavlov's Bitch

Salivating and ravenous
Impatient as savages
Trace my teeth with my tongue
Drink a soul in half a sip
Swallow while quenching
Thirst parched by tension
Trace your teeth with my tongue
Through lips that don’t mention

Pictures

Someting Silly

Be smart and turn off the playlist before watching!

This is what happens when people are bored, have a camera, and dislike a local establishment for various reasons.

This was done because it was fun to do.

There are alternate versions of these videos including actual picture images which I have decided against posting to allow certain parties their privacy!