Time Travel

Last night I found a notebook that had long been hidden beneath the past ten years of my life. It was interesting to read the beginning of my identity. This is when I began to question Life, Justice, Family, Love, Friendship, Pain, and God. Here is a little taste of me ten years ago.

***

Midnight and your eyes awake

Troubles sleep on your soul

Questions have no answers

There is no point to regain control

***

To touch

To hold

To feel

To be

To look

To watch

To understand

To see

To give

To take

To share

To love

Question existence

The answer is above.

***

I’ve got a poetic license

And lyrical power

With imagination to spare

I could kill an hour

I pay my dues

With no financial support

With metaphysical thoughts

I have a tongue to contort

Feel free to tip the keeper

When you’re in my catacomb

I chose my place in life

Since then I’ve sat alone

My incoherent babbling

Will transform to eccentric work

Morbid yet intriguing notions

Are suspicious so they lurk

***

A quintessential replacement

Was spotted in my basement

While upstairs in the attic

Graves are cultivating static

Skeletons are hidden

That’s why closets are forbidden

I’m held to a disposition

Of bad memories in the kitchen

***

You drink my patience

You wear my blood

You make my innocence dirty

***

It tastes like fear

It’s bittersweet

It feels like hate

An absence of heat

It looks like shame

It’s trying to hide

It seems to be me

Stuck inside

***

Mama do you love me?

You never seem to be around

Mama do you love me?

I’m not safe or sound

Daddy do you hate me?

I think you do

Daddy do you hate me?

I don’t think I hate you

Sister have you heard of me?

I know we’ve never met

Sister have you heard of me?

Mom shows no regret

God are you watching?

I’m not sure you exist

God are you watching?

So many sins, I can’t resist

***

I’ve been roaming my mind

Trying to find

Remainders of my soul

Creatures in the dark

Have left their mark

Saying I have lost control

Alone and afraid

I hide in the shade

Grasping for a breath of air

I step outside

Unleash my pride

And the people all stop to stare

***

Notorious villains

Infamous schemes

Casual killings

Vicious themes

Drugs of variety

Weapons of choice

Persuasion of peace

Silence the voice

Individuals rebelling

Against the law

Vulgar acts committed by all

***

Up like the grim

Reaper coming down

City is big as

Small is town

Thrown at you

I will catch

Force in me

Out I’ll stretch

Troubles are happy

Angry is solution

Virgin to sell

Pure prostitution

Rain drips clean

Dirty blood drops

Farmer with clients

The firm owns crops

Cultivating madness

Mad needs to be improved

Good intentions roughed up

Bad was smoothed

Adroit at lying

The truth is out

Confident and smiling

Grinning with doubt

I, a bad seed planted

Without good but ill

Sorcerer is magic

Steak is burning with the kill

I am busy with my

Puzzle is my mind

Precious yet stoned

Visions for the blind

***

I can remeber exactly who I was when I wrote these. If I had to pick a time where I started understanding my identity as a creation of my own, this would be it. Here is where I learned I had a voice. Some stuff I wrote is shit! I knew it then, I know it now, but I can appreciate the development over time. While all of you were sitting in school, here is where I taught myself. I didn't have a computer back then, so my hand writing is perfection. I did things a little different back then and, I guess I still do. To another 10 yrs!!!